Every one finds themselves facing unavoidable choices daily. Some choices are crucial and life changing, some are important but not necessarily life changing while others have little or no effect on our life’s. The choice of a life partner is the second most essential choice any individual will ever make in life, second only to following and knowing God. If you are of the opinion that marriage is for better or for worse; then this choice becomes even more complicated. Choosing a life partner should therefore be given a lot of thoughts and prayers I believe the steps listed below can be really helpful in making the right choice;
Take your time
The essence of spending quality time with a person cannot be overemphasized especially in getting to know and understand a person’s belief, values and true character. I emphasize quality time because a lot of people spend time with other people but remain so caught up with other things that they are only physically present and cannot really say a lot about the depth of the other person. Always utilize every time you get; to study the person you wish to marry while also enjoying yourself, not rushing things but taking it one step at a time.
Searching for the wrong person and not being the right person
Often times as humans we find ourselves wanting the best from other people but not willing to put out our best into the lives of others. The law of sowing and reaping can be clearly seen in relationships; a relationship just like a plant that is not constantly watered, pruned and nurtured will simply wither away, become unkempt and eventually die.
Do not seek the approval of others
“Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” this is a very popular and true saying. We all can look at the same thing, at the same time and still see a different thing, that’s just life. Listen to the advice of everyone and sift through them but don’t make an important decision just because someone you love thinks it’s the right choice. You alone will bear the major consequences of every wrong choice in marriage. I feel really bad when singles concede to marry someone just because their parents believe that‘s the right person without settling it first with God in prayer.
Make your decision
Consistency is a very important attribute in marriage. After the decision to get married and the marriage vows are done there is really no turning back. Obstacles and challenges will surely come but with determination and faith they can be surpassed by God’s grace. A resilient attitude of not quitting “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, still death do you part” cannot be over stressed especially through the grace of God.
Courageously step out in faith
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 (KJV) I love this bible verse and its application to marriage, nobody knows the future but with God and your life partner by your side you should believe you can conquer anything and everything. There is no perfect man or woman in the world as we all have our weaknesses and strengths.
Having the wrong motive
A lot of people enter into different marriages with different motives; some are just tired of being single, some want to merge their income with someone and reduce their expenses, while others want to have a companion and friend. I believe marriage is all about service.
I love Keeping Marriage Alive (an NGO I work with) anthem which says “God grant me the grace to always do loving things intimately and verifying 15 minutes every day… love makes a way.” Always refers to consistency in all we do, loving to serve one another, intimately to doing things together, verifying to communicating effectively for at least 15 minutes and everyday means on a daily basis.
Interpret the road signs correctly
The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV) “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Last week Monday I heard a speaker say that “presenting your partner with possible scenarios that happened or that are made up and seeing his reaction or conclusions on the matter can actually be a good sign of the real Him/Her. While dating or courting; people are on their best behavior and tend to pretend a lot in order to ensure the knot is tied.
After the wedding people finally drop their guards down and then the real behavior begins to manifest, unfortunately it is then too late to turn the hands of time. So we need to be very observant, follow our instincts and listen attentively to both the said and unsaid things and their meanings. Road signs are there for a reason; to direct you on right and wrong please do not interpret them wrongly or ignore them as you might live to regret it.
Seek Gods approval through his words and prayer
I once heard a lady testify to Gods goodness while choosing a life partner. At the time she had two serious suitors, one a rich business man and the other a struggling school teacher. Friends and family members urged her to marry the business man but through prayers she opted for the school teacher. She followed Gods choice not sure of the reason but by faith.
5 years later on her way from work she meets a mad man who follows her about. Bewildered and scared she examines him closely and realizes it’s the rich business man. She begins to thank God immediately because she would have been the wife of a mad man if she had not followed Gods choice.Some stories are far worse or much better, but seeking Gods own choice remains the ultimate success strategy in choosing a life partner.
The Bible in Mark 10:6-8 (KJV) says “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”The Bible (KJV)
Drop your comments on other strategies helpful in choosing a life partner!